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The Truth: An Uncomfortable Book About Relationships, by Neil Strauss
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This is not a journey that was undertaken for journalistic purposes. It is a painfully honest account of a life crisis that was forced on me by my own behavior and its consequences.
"As such, it requires sharing a lot of things I'm not proud of—and a few things I feel like I should regret a whole lot more than I actually do. Because, unfortunately, I am not the hero in this tale. I am the villain."
So begins Neil Strauss's long-awaited follow-up to The Game, the funny and slyly instructive work of immersive journalism that jump-started the international "seduction community" and made Strauss a household name—revered or notorious—among single men and women alike.
In The Truth, Strauss takes on his greatest challenge yet: Relationships. And in this wild and highly entertaining ride, he explores the questions that men and women are asking themselves every day:
- Is it natural to be faithful to one person for life?
- Do alternatives to monogamy lead to better relationships and greater happiness?
- What draws us to the partners we choose?
- Can we keep passion and romance from fading over time?
His quest for answers takes him from Viagra-laden free-love orgies to sex addiction clinics, from cutting-edge science labs to modern-day harems, and, most terrifying of all, to his own mother.
What he discovered changed everything he knew about love, sex, relationships, and, ultimately, himself.
Searingly honest and compulsively readable, The Truth just may have the same effect on you.
If The Game taught you how to meet members of the opposite sex, The Truth will teach you how to keep them.
- Sales Rank: #35392 in Books
- Published on: 2015-10-13
- Released on: 2015-10-13
- Original language: English
- Number of items: 1
- Dimensions: 9.00" h x 1.37" w x 6.00" l, .0 pounds
- Binding: Imitation Leather
- 448 pages
Review
“The guy who wrote The Game and lived The Game searches for love and learns that it’s way, way harder. And funnier.” (Joel Stein, Time magazine)
“A brutally honest and emotionally exhaustive account of his search for sexual freedom...Yes, there are orgies and swinger parties, but there are also far more intense discussions about the meaning of intimacy and the underlying causes of sexual behavior.” (Booklist)
“[Strauss] charms us with confessions of his screwed-up childhood and the many idiotic beliefs and mistakes that have plagued him, then upsells us on the notion that we can be masters of the universe-and he can teach us how. Color me seduced.” (Laura Miller, Slate)
“The Truth is fantastic...In the course of exorcising his pickup artist demons, Strauss learns and exposes the barriers to intimacy that so many of us are carrying around. If you’ve struggled with monogamy, or loved someone who has, this book is revelatory.” (Chicago Tribune)
“The epiphanies revealed are simultaneously incredibly obvious and richly profound... I want you to read this book. I want your partners to read this book. More than that, I want you to think critically about what it says about you and the world around you and your romantic relationships.” (Grantland)
About the Author
Neil Strauss is the author of the New York Times bestsellers The Game, Rules of the Game, Emergency, and Everyone Loves You When You’re Dead. He is also the co-author of three other New York Times bestsellers - Jenna Jameson's How to Make Love Like a Porn Star, Mötley Crüe's The Dirt and Marilyn Manson's The Long Hard Road out of Hell. A writer for Rolling Stone, Strauss lives in Los Angeles.
Most helpful customer reviews
108 of 125 people found the following review helpful.
The Most Entertaining Book You'll Read on Relationships
By Mofessor
The Truth starts with an archetypal trajectory—boy meets girl, boy loses girl, boy goes on quest to win girl back—but becomes something curlier and less predictable as it goes along.
With lashings of hedonism and debauchery thrown in for good measure, The Truth is based on Strauss’ mission to discover whether monogamy, faithfulness, and commitment make sense in the modern world. The book is as high spirited as you might expect from someone who wrote The Game, and delves into the underpinnings of sex, relationships and their effect on life, love, and family.
Straddling the line between damning expose and redemption story, there are many times Strauss stares lustfully at self-annihilation. But to its credit, The Truth is not another preachy, earnest treatise on the dangers of sex, nor is it a sentimental journey to 12-step redemption. There have certainly been enough of those. Rather this is a study in how men and women relate to each other, and what it truly means to be in relationship with somebody. Like all the best books, as Strauss swerves between libertine and committed partner, we are simultaneously wincing and somehow wishing we were in the middle of it.
125 of 155 people found the following review helpful.
Timeo Danaos et dona ferentes
By KVD
Timeo Danaos et dona ferentes
“I fear all Greeks, even those bearing gifts”
-Vergil, the Aeneid
This book is interesting mostly as a character study of its author, Neil Strauss. I read The Game and found fascinating the extent to which he craved respect and admiration from others, and to feel superior to them. The whole book was an exercise in power, in letting everyone know that though he wasn’t good-looking, he was smart enough to manipulate women into sleeping with him anyway, cool enough to socialize with celebrities without being star struck, and talented enough to write for influential publications like the NY Times.
In this book, too, there is no doubt that Strauss is a master manipulator. He writes about feeling dorky, or ashamed, inviting our sympathy and drawing us into the story, making us care. Then he “shows” us that he’s actually not a dork by having lots of threesomes with women, because most people think that having a threesome in itself makes you cool. But now he’s inside our heads, the place he most longs to be – in control of our thoughts and emotions (or so he hopes).
So one of the things about this book is that it is structured like Homer’s Odyssey. Though Strauss mentions Odysseus and James Joyce’s Ulysses, he never explicitly communicates that he actually models the book on the epic poem itself – this is because he wants to feel smarter and more cultured than the people reading his book – it’s his own little private joke on us, to make him feel powerful. And I suppose he thinks that he’s impressing those of us who do get the allusions (witches and guides and siren songs for example) and cute little references (he names his dog Hercules).
The Odyssey was a great poem, but it was also an incredibly misogynistic one, and one of its functions was to reaffirm and perpetuate the idea that women are objects fulfilling different roles in a man’s life – dutiful wife, seductive but deadly sorceress, nymphomaniac, ball-busting bitch. Though Strauss claims to come to the conclusion that women should be viewed differently today, the way he writes about the women in his book treats them in pretty much the same way that Homer did millennia ago. Use, discard, repeat. I looked up photos of him and his wife, and it’s clear he hasn’t broken this pattern with her. She’s 15-20 years his junior, clearly less educated than he is, a multiple plastic surgery victim, with a heavily made-up, injected face. She is the picture of American female insecurity. In a picture I saw of them together, he stands above her on a staircase, dressed like some hipster professor, his hand on her body in a proprietary way. She wears – I kid you not – little kid sneakers with sloppily tied laces, cutoff shorts, and a sweatshirt with an ice-cream cone print. The pouty look on her face thinly disguises her fear and insecurity. Equals, yeah.
Something I remember from Agatha Christie books is Miss Marple’s simple but astute insight that a major problem with most people’s way of thinking is that they just believe everything that they’re told. In reality, sometimes what others say is true, but more often than we might guess, it’s not; either because they’re mistaken or simply because they are making it up. Much of “The Truth” is actually not the truth, it’s words that Strauss put together in order to elicit a certain reaction from his readers. To give just one example, when he forms his “harem” of three women (using that word is another attempt to impress us) he would have us believe that the women have never met before or even spoken or emailed each other. Yet it makes no sense that they wouldn’t have communicated at all before moving into a house together – it’s simply unbelievable. One of the women is very smart and critical, yet he has her regularly fighting with the others for the privilege of sitting next to him in the front seat like a child. I don’t think this happened, it’s simply too out of character for Veronika – or if it did, then his depiction of her is inaccurate. And then he would have us believe that it is only after the failure of the harem experiment did it dawn on him that it wasn’t fair of him to expect them not to have sex with other men while he is able to sleep with other women. Of course it’s not fair, and I kept waiting for him to address it during that section, but he pretends that it didn’t even occur to him until later when he has some big epiphany. Is the title of the book another of Strauss’ private jokes at our expense? In other words, is he merely a narcissist, or is he a full-on sociopath? I don’t know. But there are dozens of times in the book where he is clearly being disingenuous, as anyone with some critical thinking skills can perceive.
Going back to the Odyssey: Of all the Greek characters fighting the Trojan War, Odysseus was the smart one. Not muscled like Achilles or powerful like Agamemnon, but clever and conniving. He uses the power of his words and his wit to get what he wants. This is how Strauss would like to see himself. In his pathology, the way he feels worthy and powerful is by convincing others that he is smarter and cooler than everyone else. This is why he is constantly making little mean comments about people – it reminded me of the negging thing from The Game. Though he claims to be a new, wise person by the end of the book, his methods are the same as ever.
There are so many other things I noticed, like the fact that he never mentions the enormous role money and power play in relationships between men and women. Instead, he has an endless string of epiphanies and clichés that he unloads on us for 400 pages. He is the oh-so-wise dispenser of valuable advice that will blow our minds and change our lives for the better. But he’s no Homer, no Joyce.
Odysseus created the Trojan horse, which the gullible Trojans happily brought inside their city walls. Strauss has this little puppy, which he wants you to swallow hook, line, and sinker. No longer content with just having power over the poor saps who loved The Game and naïve girls at bars, now he craves the admiration of the educated. He’s shed his purple-on-purple ensembles and now wears glasses and sweaters – smart people clothes. I suppose his frenetically working mind will never truly be satisfied, even if he does fool some “intellectuals” out there. I wonder what he’ll come up with next. OK this was really long but I feel better now.
20 of 23 people found the following review helpful.
The Review: A Woman's Unexpected Journey of Reading The Truth
By Cathy
I remember stumbling across the author's other book, The Game, a few years ago. I'm a woman and the description of the book immediately made me think of this womanizing ex-coworker of mine, who used to brag about his conquests as if he's reaping the rewards of the unresolved daddy issues of these beautiful women. And it all worked because he knew a thing or two about manipulation and games. Needless to say, I rolled my eyes and move on with my online book shopping never expecting to read any of his books. Recently, an author I do like and subscribe to, sent an email about this book and bits and pieces from the book. I got a bit intrigued and decided to purchase this to diversify my book collection, which is starting to look lopsided subject-wise. When the book arrived, I started to read it and couldn't put it down.
The Truth is intriguing, funny, heartfelt, sometimes annoying and whiny, sometimes makes you want to go up to the author and smack him upside his bald head, and other times you root for him, empathize, and sympathize. And truthfully, you want the happy ending. It is a roller coaster ride of monogamy, psychotherapy, various alternative relationships, orgies, and harems. The author has the writing ability to take you on a journey with him as he bares the entirely human side of him, flaws and all. He is not always like-able but you stick around to see what happens to him. And sprinkled throughout the book are some interesting situations that you wouldn't otherwise witness, some thought provoking questions, and bits and pieces about attachment theory and psychotherapy that the reader can think about and look into while reading this book.
The author has a simplistic style of writing and it is an enjoyable book to read. However, there are times his self-deprecating humor goes too far and it can become self-loathing. He sometimes put himself in situations that are obviously bad and selfish but he does it anyway, other times he's this awkward guy that starts to annoy you, or he whines and self loathes for pages and you just want to swiftly kick his behind. Then you realize, this is a book about one man's journey in figuring himself out and what type of relationship he wants to have in his life so he's not going to get his poop together until he figures some things out. Along the (mis)adventures of Neil Strauss, you do get some laugh out loud moments, some eye opening moments, and some thought provoking moments. I never thought I would say this but I would recommend reading this book.
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