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The subject is emotional abuse―the ongoing process whereby one person attempts to destroy the will, needs, desires, or perceptions of another. The object is the well-educated, high-functioning professional woman.
Dr. Joan Lachkar examines the origins and early warning signs of the psychological violation she describes as a dance between abuser and abused. She goes on to introduce typologies of each (the narcissistic or passive-aggressive abuser, the unentitled self) and to explore the bases for their collusive attachments.
Addressing therapeutic functions like empathy, containment, and countertransference, and following a couple's evolution from a state of fusion through transitional two-ness to emerging separateness, dependent and interdependent, Dr. Lachkar applies her psychodynamic approach to treatment, informed by object relations and self psychology, and complete with guidelines for technique and practical suggestions for the couple.
- Sales Rank: #391822 in Books
- Published on: 1998-05-01
- Original language: English
- Number of items: 1
- Dimensions: 8.72" h x .90" w x 5.80" l, .84 pounds
- Binding: Hardcover
- 208 pages
Review
Dr. Lachkar does a masterful job of focusing on emotional abuse, which is generally sidelined when abuse is discussed. Her classification of personalities in marriages is intriguing. Since this is a book that integrates rich theory with vivid case examples and also elaborates treatment issues, every practitioner engaged in couple therapy should read it. (Vince Pillari, Vimala Pillari, D.S.W., L.C.S.W., director, Graduate School of Social Work, Kansas Newman College)
The issue addressed here has created much pain and disorganization in families. The book's importance lies in the author's unique and excellent insights into the internal dynamics of individuals involved in abusive relationships, and how those personal dynamics lock them into old and unfulfillable expectations. For anyone involved in treating the abused and the abuser, it provides crucial guidelines for successful interventions. (Rafael Art. Javier, Ph.D., director, Center for Psychological Services, St. John's University, Jamaica, New York)
About the Author
Joan Lachkar, Ph.D., maintains a private practice in psychoanalysis and psychoanalytic psychotherapy in Southern California, where she also teaches in workshops and extension courses.
Most helpful customer reviews
7 of 8 people found the following review helpful.
Wow. This is a really thought-provoking and intense book.
By shan
I read this book for many reasons, as a therapist and as a woman in our society who has seen abuse in many forms and experienced mistreatment at the hands of another. I was stunned that no one else has reviewed this book, then I realized maybe many people haven't heard of this book or don't want to share any personal experiences. Lachkar writes a very balanced approach to relationships. She doesn't advocate a victim-abuser stance. She talks about patterns of engagement in which partners become involved, as a way of acting out previous hurts and difficulties. She starts the book by defining a spectrum of abusive behaviors, from the less obvious to more obvious. That alone can be helpful to get an understanding of what is respectful treatment and what is abusive. She writes for intelligent readers and accepts that even smart people can get involved in these negative patterns. I also like that she describes diverse types of people who are abusive, including those with narcissistic personalities or who are a bit obsessive. The final chapters on how women engaged in these patterns can retract themselves is really quite helpful. I have given this book to many women and recommended it to others. Highly helpful if you believe you may be experiencing mistreatment or work with women who are.
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